The Only Websites You’ll Ever Need, Ever
Posted on Monday, June 9th, 2008 at 4:22 amStaying at home and being a hermit crab the rest of your life is hard. There’s so many websites out there that cater to your every want and need. But which ones are really useful? If you ever decide to stop browsing — or the Internet Apocalypse comes — here’s a list to help you out.
Before the flamewar begins, I must say that Myspace is a lot easier to meet people on than Facebook. And almost everyone has a Myspace. This would be your gateway to communication with your best friends — er, ex-best friends, since you’re never leaving the house again — so you won’t go incredibly insane. (Who uses e-mail anymore? Not you!) And Myspace is multi-functional! Since you’re going to be a homebody for the rest of your life, there’s a blog feature so you can post about your unfriendly endeavors with the insects outside or your Coke and Mentos experiment. There’s games on there as well to save you from insanity, but they’re kind of lame. Good for playing with other people though. See? People. You’ll miss them.
If you’re never going to leave the house, you’re going to need groceries, light bulbs, and toilet paper. That is where Amazon comes in. With its Automatic Delivery feature, Amazon makes being a lazy nerd the easiest thing ever.
You’ll need a hobby to keep yourself from going insane. How about a doll collection like a crazed serial killer? That’s healthy. And you might need some cash since you won’t have a job anymore. Sell all your Commodore 64 memorabilia. You’ll need room for your crazy doll collection.
You’re gonna need to know how to do certain things, like fix a sink or how to cook. You might even figure out a thing or two on your own, being holed up in the house all the time. You might even learn how to go back outside again, if you ever decide to.
Last but not least, Google. Not only is it a search engine to help you browse (which you probably will end up doing, regardless whether or not you swear it off), you can set up widgets on your iGoogle to keep up with the news, play games, read your horoscope, or even pin up virtual post-it notes to help you remember when to do your laundry. In the sink. Since you don’t have a job and all.
So good luck on your endeavors and have fun being a virgin for the rest of your life!
